Being a first-time mom is one of the most magical, meaningful times in your life…but it’s also a chaotic, sleep-deprived, physically brutal boot camp that might wreck you (in the best and worst ways).
New moms, listen up. Whether you’re still pregnant or already in the thick of sleepless nights and existential 3:00am Googling, I'm here for you.
Here’s the thing: being a new parent is equal parts magical and messy. There's no perfect parenting playbook. But I do have some real talk for you from my experience as a mom of five. These are my Top 5 Tips for First-Time Moms.
1. Don’t Wing It When It Comes to Feeding
No matter your method, feeding a newborn is stressful. If you think you might want to try any form of breastfeeding, whether pumping, nursing, or a combination of both, educate yourself before your hangry baby is crying in your arms. You don't need to become an expert by any means, but go in informed. I am by no means saying not trust your hospital staff as they guide you through the beginnings of breastfeeding, but they most likely will not have time to sit with you for hours on end and teach you all of the ins and outs. It's very easy to get discouraged if you're unprepared.
Things you'll want to know:
- You'll want to know what a good latch should feel like. (Hint: It should not feel like your nipple is being ripped off, but it also may not be comfortable at first, as you discover this new part of your lifestyle.)
- You'll want to know how often you need to feed in those early days, whether that is feeding baby at the breast or pumping your breastmilk.
- You'll want to be knowledgeable about pumping even if you plan on exclusively nursing. For a variety of reasons, pumping could be part of your feeding schedule even in the hospital. It’s best to know what you’re dealing with.
- Wondering what pump to get or if insurance will cover it? Start here with my blog on How to Choose the Best Breast Pump for You.
Prepare yourself for some of the hard things that come with breastfeeding — even the best things can come with pain (some manageable, some needing professional treatment). Have an idea what sore nipples, clogged ducts, and low supply may look. If you find yourself experiencing any of these you'll be able to pin point it better and possibly have some knowledge as to where to start while navigating.
Here are some of my blogs I would recommend bookmarking as a first time mom just to be as prepared as possible for what is to come. Don't let it scare you, just think of it as putting tools in your toolbox!
2. Buy the Dang Bra...and a Few Other Things
As a mom who has exclusively pumped from the get go, nursed, and everything in between, let me tell you - you need a good bra. And heck, you need some new clothes too. Your body has just done something wild and amazing. It’s completely okay if you don’t recognize yourself right now — you just grew and birthed a human. Don't torture yourself by trying to squeeze into your pre-pregnancy favorites or drown in your husband's oversized t-shirts because they're all that "fit" right now.
New moms, you deserve functional bras and breastfeeding friendly clothing that make you feel human again. Step one - find a great nursing and pumping bra. I’ve reviewed tons of them, so check out all my Bra Reviews to find the best fit for you. I will always recommend the ones by Davin and Adley — Use my affiliate code BREASTFRIENDS10 for 10% off.
While we're on the topic of things you'll need to purchase as a first-time mom, don't go overboard with a million postpartum gadgets and gizmos. You don’t need to be rolling into the hospital with a full suitcase of “just in case” items or filling your newborn's closet with thousands of disposable diapers in different sizes, several creams, diaper warmers, etc. What you do need is stuff that will make your recovery more bearable and your new routine more comfortable. Check out my hospital care and postpartum essentials and some other useful new mom products, both in my Amazon storefront.
3. Chill the Heck Out (Easier Said than Done)
From a mom who has been there and knows that everything will work itself out, here’s something every first-time mom needs to tattoo on her brain or scribble on her mirror:
Most of the things you’re stressing about will not matter in six weeks...or maybe even tomorrow.
Yes, no matter how much you prepare, you’re going to freak out about baby sleep, obsess over counting the diaper changes, and panic because your baby spit up massive amounts twice in a row. You're going to have rough days with lots of crying from both baby and you, and you'll be counting the hours of sleep you got last night. You'll want to spend every second with your new baby while simultaneously missing your "old life." Unfortunately, your hormones are having a party without you. This does not make you NOT a bad mom. It's common to daydream about the easier days.
Did your baby skip a nap? They'll be alright. Did you skip a pump session? You’ll get back on track. Did your supply drop overnight? You'll add another session for the next few days to increase supply. Very few things in the newborn world are unfixable. Take things one day at a time. This is a learning process, not a final exam. You’re doing your best, and that’s what makes you a great mom. So, take a deep breath, put your feet up, and enjoy some of those baby snuggles that won't last forever.
Baby Blues
Most new moms will feel a little off during the first month due to hormone shifts. You might feel sad, overwhelmed, or detached — This new chapter of your life may not feel like you expected even though you're holding your bundle of joy. This is normal. It’s called the baby blues, and for most moms, passes quickly. But if it doesn’t? If you're not sleeping at all even when you have the chance, not functioning normally, having intrusive thoughts, or just not feeling like yourself for longer than a couple of weeks? Call your doctor. Postpartum depression is very real, and getting help doesn’t make you weak — it makes you smart and in tune with your true feelings.
4. Build Your Village
If there’s ever a time to lean into that phrase "It takes a village," it’s the first few weeks or months with a newborn baby.
Accepting help without guilt is not easy for any mom. It means letting your people step in and actually do things for you.
It's okay to put your spouse on diaper duty, bottle duty, laundry duty—hell, all the duties, while you recover. Family member or best friend offers to drop off dinner? Say YES! Neighbor says, “Text me if you need anything”? Text them when you need something from the grocery store. Ask if they would do your week's worth of laundry. Tell your mother-in-law that you need a 10-minute walk around the block while they hold your newborn so you can have some fresh air and take a deep breath. I. of all people, am very aware of the fact that not every set of new parents has a huge village around them to cater to every need. My first postpartum experience was very lonely and without much help, living far from my mom and sister, I really felt this extra hard. But, I encourage you to take advantage of any help that you do have.
You're healing, you're feeding a baby around the clock, and you’re learning how to care for a new human (even if it’s your second or third kid, this part still slaps you in the face). Your support network isn’t just there to hold the baby for cute pictures, ask.for.help.
5. Make Time for What Matters Most
I know — you have so little time (and somehow a lot of time to overthink). But you know I have to include self-care in my top 5 tips for first time moms. There are a few important people you NEED to make time for - YOU, your baby, your spouse, and your friends & family.
Make time for yourself. I know, I know—laughable. But seriously, even five minutes matters. Put on real pants, take a long shower, practice some relaxation techniques, slap on a face mask, drink your coffee hot, or lock yourself in the bathroom just to read or scroll in peace. You need time to do things that make you feel human. Daily.
Make time to snuggle your baby. Like, really soak them in. That little newborn smell, those scrunchy limbs, the squeaky noises they make while sleeping—it all goes so fast. The dishes can wait. The laundry can be done later. You’ll never regret pausing to just hold them and breathe.
Make time for your partner. This is a wild, messy, emotionally draining season, but you’re in it together. Talk to each other. Hug. Laugh about the chaos. Even if “date night” turns into sharing a frozen pizza on the couch during the cluster feeding hours, protect your connection. Whatever it looks like, spend quality time with your partner. Here are some of my best tips for dating after baby. And once you’re feeling a little spicier, check out my Amazon list of date night dresses that are breastfeeding-friendly.
Make time for mom friends. Whether it’s a group chat, a support group that meets weekly, or just one solid friend who’s also knee-deep in spit-up and sleep deprivation—find your people. Having someone to text “WTF is happening??” at 3:00am with the breastfeeding emoji is sometimes everything you need.
Prioritize your mental health, your personal time, and all the things that refill your tank — because a happy mom is the best gift you can give your newborn baby.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone, You’re Just New
Being a first-time mom is like joining a secret club where the initiation is being covered in breast milk spit-up. Despite all of the pressures on social media, you don’t need to be a perfect parent. You need to be a real one. One who asks for help, rests when she can, laughs at the crazy days, powers through the hard times, and doesn’t let random social media experts or even the most well-meaning friends dictate her every move.
While things might seem overwhelming now, it does get easier. Eventually, you'll fall into a more consistent daily routine, find the best way to navigate your baby’s sleep, maybe enjoy your maternity leave without crying every day, and learn to trust your newly developing mother's intuition.
