Dating After Baby: Tips for Keeping Your Marriage Alive

March 2, 2025

We all know dating after baby isn't going to be the steamy, carefree romance you once had. But, dating your partner is important in all seasons of life! Now, I'm not necessarily talking about sexy time here. Most moms need at least six weeks before getting the green light for that from a medical perspective -- and some need even longer for a variety of other reasons. But in the meantime, your relationship needs love and care.

A new baby is a huge life change, and nurturing your romantic relationship is going to take some extra effort when you're both operating on minimal sleep. Let's dive into why it's hard, why it matters, and some practical tips for making date nights a regular occurrence (without leaving you feeling like you've committed to a business meeting).

Why Dating After Baby is So Hard

First of all, let me assure you that it isn't just you. New parents everywhere struggle to carve out time for one another for various reasons, some obvious, and others not so much:

Sleep deprivation: In the weeks following birth, chronic sleep deprivation has you both running on fumes. By the end of the day, the last thing on your mind is making time for an intentional conversation.
Hormones and healing: For new mothers, the postpartum period brings lots of lovely hormonal changes and challenges in terms of physical recovery, both of which make sustaining emotional connection difficult.
No alone time: That new baby is always with you (so it's a good thing they're cute!). Finding uninterrupted time without added responsibilities seems impossible.

Now that we know why it's hard, let's talk about why it's still worth making time for.

Why It’s Worth the Extra Effort

Preparing for the Future

Picture this: your baby grows up, your household chores don’t involve changing diapers anymore, and suddenly you and your partner are staring at each other across a quiet house. Seems like forever away right now, but ask any empty nester and they'll tell you it happens in the blink of an eye. So, when that time comes, do you want to be best friends sharing great times, or strangers wondering where the years went? Building a strong foundation now—even in the middle of the day between naps and feedings—is a great way to ensure marital bliss later.

Modeling Harmony for Your Family

The dynamics of your relationship with your spouse set the tone for your parenting style and your family’s overall well-being. A happy relationship creates a more harmonious home. When your partnership feels strong, both of you are more patient, relaxed, and equipped to handle the chaos of parenting. Plus, modeling a healthy marriage teaches your children what mutual respect, communication, and affection look like.

Practical Tips for Dating After Baby

Hopefully I've convinced you that you should date your spouse after you have your baby. But how? I promise I'm not asking you to strap your freshly postpartum tummy and leaky boobs into a fancy dress for a night on the town. I'm talking low-key, cozy, meaningful time spent with your favorite (adult) person.

1. Embrace the At-Home Date Night

Forget fancy dinner dates until you're feeling a little more yourself. And don't worry about getting a babysitter. There's no shame in putting on a quick cartoon for your older kiddos and baby-wearing your newborn to get some "date" time if you have to! Or, shoot for after your kids are napping or asleep for the night! Easier said than done with a newborn sleep schedule, but always worth a shot! Here are some simple, quick ways to spend quality time at home:

Board games and snacks (no Candy Land, I promise!): After your older kids are in bed and your baby is settled or asleep, try committing to one round of a board game. You could try Scrabble, Codenames, Boggle, or a puzzle, and add in some of your favorite snacks or desserts for a fun twist.
Love languages activities: If you haven't discussed your love language with your partner, start there. Knowing and using each other’s love languages can deepen connection. Then, try to perform at least one thoughtful gesture each day that honors your spouse's love language. For example, leave notes on the bathroom mirror if your spouse is a "words of affirmation" person. Or, surprise your spouse with a fancy coffee delivered to the door for a "gifts" person. Offer a foot massage for an "acts of service" spouse. I could go on and on with ideas!
Cook a meal together: Even a 15-minute recipe can be a fun, new way to connect. Try making homemade pizzas or whipping up a batch of gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches with different cheeses and toppings. It doesn't need to be anything difficult. Just the act of completing a task together can be an opportunity to reconnect.
Go for a walk: You get quality, undistracted time with your partner while your baby sleeps in a stroller. It's a win, win! There are tools to help keep your baby comfortable in any weather, so it's beneficial to your mental health and your marriage to get outside in the fresh air!
Have a dance party: Find your wedding song or some other romantic classics and have a little dance-sesh in your living room.

Even if your house is a complete disaster, put that out of your mind and take it up a notch by setting the ambiance for your at home date time. Dim the lights, play your favorite playlist, and light a candle. Even the simplest moments can feel special with a little effort.

2. Pump Bottles for a Sitter

Whether you're an exclusive pumper or a nursing mom, freeing up space for couple time might mean having some bottles on hand for a babysitter when you feel comfortable enough to leave the house. Now, hear me out - this does NOT have to be anything huge! Maybe you "go out" to the backyard with your spouse to sit in camping chairs and make s'mores while your mother-in-law bathes and feeds your newborn. I promise that even 20 minutes can be the breath of fresh air that you need to reconnect with your love and come back to your baby rejuvenated.

When you are ready to be gone for a longer chunk of time, make a habit of treating yourselves to something special every once in a while - perhaps once a month. While leaving your new baby with a sitter can be challenging, I find it's always worth it! Find something that the two of you enjoy! Go out to your favorite restaurant, visit a new brewery, go mini golfing, or take an art class!

Need some bottle recommendations for nursing babies? Here are a couple of my favorites from my Amazon storefront:

If getting a paid sitter isn't in the cards, try swapping babysitting duties with another mom or couple. Most parents will tell you that they understand the challenges that come with caring for a newborn and would be happy to watch your baby for a little bit while you and your spouse get out of the house. The hardest part is just making the ASK! Then, once you're ready, you can return the favor! Forming a “date night exchange” with friends or neighbors can give both couples a break without the added cost.

3. Put it on the Calendar!

The best way to make date nights a regular occurrence is to treat them like any other important appointment. Mark it on the calendar—even if it’s just a short amount of time. Having it in your plans will make sure it happens.

Set reminders or notifications to keep your date plans on track. Stick to the commitment, even if it’s tempting to cancel when you're tired. A quick connection can make a big difference.

Maybe you're thinking, "This sounds great, but I literally don't have time to even put things on my calendar." Here's my solution. Each week at the same time - perhaps Sundays at 10am - have a quick check-in with your spouse about the week ahead. Like I mentioned before, set a reminder on your phone. It may take just a couple minutes or it may turn into a longer conversation if you have the time. Here are the points you should always touch on:

1) SCHEDULE a date time - remember, it doesn't need to be fancy or lengthy.

2) THANK one another for something that was helpful over the past week.

3) TELL your spouse one thing you need from them this week. Maybe it's time to take a lengthy shower or for your spouse to cook dinner on Tuesday so you can visit a friend. Or, maybe it's just letting your spouse know that you've been feeling down and could use some verbal encouragement.

4. Witching Hour? Try Morning Dates

If evenings are a mess thanks to a fussy new infant, think outside the box. Dating doesn't always need to be at night! Morning dates can be a great idea for spending time together before baby’s witching hour hits.

Consider meeting up for a breakfast date at a local cafe, or brew a special pot of coffee and have breakfast in bed while baby naps. Morning energy levels are often higher, and you’ll feel connected before the day’s chaos begins. I don't know about you, but sometimes I get anxious in the evenings, however mornings are when my brain is a little more at peace.

5. Put Rest and Reconnection Before Housework

When the baby naps, resist the urge to only catch up on housework. Use one of those precious naptimes to reconnect with your partner. Whether it’s a quick cuddle session on the couch or watching a 20-minute show together, even small moments of bonding can rejuvenate your relationship and provide the reset you need to get through the next few hours.

What to Wear: Feel Good, Look Good

No matter what postpartum stage you're in, It’s easy to fall into the leggings-and-milk-stains trap. But, feeling confident can go a long way toward a happy marriage. Even if you’re staying home, help yourself feel comfy and cute with these items from my Amazon shop:

A fresh look can boost your mood, and when you feel good, that energy translates into better quality time together.

Final Thoughts

Dating after baby isn’t always glamorous, but it’s a huge part of maintaining a healthy relationship during a new chapter of life. Start small, find different ways to connect, and remember that spending time with your partner now is an investment in your future together. With the right mindset and a few thoughtful gestures, you'll find joy in the early days postpartum!

From My Experience

When we relocated from Chicago to the 'burbs two year ago I told my husband we needed to make the effort to get out once a month. I had just delivered baby number four and while in Chicago rarely had time to ourselves, it was this change in scenery and new start I knew we had to be proactive for US! I found a local establishment that we could frequent, which had a wine club membership for monthly wine tasting- it was fate. Both Sean and I enjoy a nice glass of wine, so with this option we signed up and have made it a priority to take one evening a month to reconnect.

I'll admit not every dinner date as enjoyable as the last but this opportunity always gives us the chance to enjoy eachother's company once again. I've been told, "nothing can ruin a marriage like kids". I won't sugar coat this, it's can be a fact- if you allow it.